He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
