Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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