If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
