The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
