I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
im on a boat
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