she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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