just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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