im holly from the hills drunk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
