Porn is love you can see.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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