he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
