I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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