Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
