Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
