They should really pass out barf bags in church
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
