My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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