i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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