Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
