the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize