We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
