I must be too annoying 4 u.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
