This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
