Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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