part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
a search helicopter?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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