Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize