Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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