I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ladies don't puke and tell
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
