we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
