Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
