Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
