just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
