one two three fourrrrnication!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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