hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
