Welp...herpes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
