and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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