He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
