I am puke
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
