In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
