the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
