i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
