Your mouth is God's brothel.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
