brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
His nipple licking is glorious
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
