I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry my hands just texted you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
