I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
