Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
