so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
