Screwed.edu
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
