yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
