the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
