So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
