Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pooping to opera.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
