Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
