I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
