I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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