I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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