did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
