i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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