i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
