I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i've created a new STD.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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