I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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