JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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