Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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