OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize