Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
