At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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